Why is the stock market going down today?

And other arbitrary questions like why is the stock market going up today? The answer is always the following on green days: greed overpowered fear; and on red days... the inverse. For everything else there is FRED and the FED.

Information released by the federal reserve definitely causes a reaction that reverberates through the market. Likewise FRED’s economic data is a trusted source of information on the economy. It’s like a periodic state of the union pertaining to the US economy. The actual schedule of information releases is published here. And FRED has a great app, which is free that you can download here for Apple users or here for Android users. The FED has pretty frequent updates on monetary policy and their calendar can be found here. The internet is filled with answers and blog posts insinuating that there is an actual reason why the stock market is moving up or down based on the news, but before hitting the clickbait about what's going to be the next Amazon or where to invest $1,000 right now, check FRED and the FED.

Know what would be cool? If the media surveyed people who bought or sold stock, in real time, and asked why? With a robust enough sampling strategy to understand why the majority of volume is going one way or another, there could occasionally be a reason. To be honest though, if it’s not FRED dropping his latest hits or Jerome Powell live-streaming dryly that he’s "coming for all y’all’s interest free loans from the government" then the majority of the news you will find is simply not news. I suspect the articles are sometimes written with AI and are sometimes written by five-year olds that have a corporate template for the content. You know, like Mad Libs? The thing you did in the car before everyone had phones.

If you don't have a five-year old as a writing companion, store-bought is fine.

We've used this transformer to autocomplete some of our market-news Mad Lib and here was the result:

What’s going on with the stock market?

The stock market is up for grabs right now, and there is little interest from investors, experts and speculators. MSFT opened with dainty investors being thrifty with shares of MSFT, currently trading at $3.

It ran, jumped, and walked all the way to its all time high since February.

This boondoggle follows from an interview spreading rumors about arch-rival, Apple. And this move was compounded partly by weaker than expected country reports from China and Hong Kong, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal.

Where should you invest $1,000 right now?

Source: Reuters

[Update: The Wall Street Journal article has been updated to reflect the fact that we are not reporting as expected.]

If you'd like to write your own, try this template, but remember to give back when your head of a billion dollar news conglomerate:
What’s going on with (market or stock) today?

(same noun) opened with (adjective used to describe wolverines eating or princesses pooping) investors (thing you do with money and preposition) shares of (stock, market, or company), currently trading at (pick a number between $20 and $2000). It (thing black people are better than white people at) all the way to its all time (high or low) since (arbitrary window of time).

This (outcome) follows from (thing you can see or hear) spreading (type of information) about (word for your enemy) company, (pick a random name). And this move was compounded partly by (weaker or stronger) than expected (thing) reports from (person or thing who the average person imagines can defecate gold bars).

Where should you invest $1,000 right now? (Link to affiliate pump and dump scheme, adjust $1,000 dollars for inflation annually using the following trusted source.)

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